The journey of motherhood. (Im)perfectly mine

The journey of motherhood. (Im)perfectly mine

Not babies not yet grown.

I wished them to school, now I wait on their return.

Breast pads, velcro and routine replaced by

Crisp packets, consoles and trampoline. 

The beats of three hearts outside of me. 

Hearts started in my uterus.

Excluding baby M.

14 weeks, heart stopped, hospital bed, taxi home.

Her spine and limbs no more. 

Today is the present. 

The internet says we have four years.

Cruising furniture, words, lollipops and cot sheets. 

I see it. 

My baby is on the brink of his sixth.

Long baths on wet days. A memory.

Hands wrinkly from removing wheetabix.

Jealous of friends with a porch to store scooters. 

Craving workouts, hot coffee, a holiday with crisp skin. 

I’ve arrived yet I daydream about the shallow end.

Sweet memories rest with me.

Looking forward with wide eyes.

Dinner discussions, drop offs, taste buds and character. 

The energy rising. Laughter and pride.

Three hugs to widen my arms every time.

The journey of motherhood so (im)perfectly mine.