15 May Feeling older, being older. Accepting it all.
Today I was awarded my Visa for working in America this Summer. It didn’t come without a great deal of faffing and huffing and puffing and general scattiness from myself.
While I stood in a line of twenty one other applicants I realised that I was one form short for the interview. Shocker.
This resulted in phone calls and more stress (and more huffing and puffing) which inevitably got me out of the line , sprinting to my car (which was parked a good half a mile away) and onto my friend’s work near the American consulate to print said form before rushing back to sweet talk myself back into the line, to stand a further twenty five minutes outside the secure door before finally being awarded my Visa from a very polite lady in a powder blue suit.
Phew. I’m exhausted going back to that fretful scenario and it was only an hour ago!!
This event has only served to make me more aware that I am human and no matter where my career takes me, I will always have this same scatty brain and forgetful nature. It’s been here for a while and it ain’t going anywhere.
This week my weekly newsletter to hundreds of alyharte.com subscribers had a caption under my photos with “insert caption here” where it should have said “My lavender print”.
My blogpost with Kaisa went out to my darlingedna.com subscribers last week with a big fat typo in the headline.
Again, reminders that I am not a robot.
I make mistakes and my scattiness no matter how much planning and organising I do ahead of schedule, can still slip me up.
I’s a bit of a shame really as I was convinced with age would come an improvement of my scattiness and somehow I would be out the other side of the forgetfulness.
Just like my never intending to be late for the School pick up, or to meet a friend for coffee. It just kind of …happens. I’m not saying I like it or want it to be that way, but I just don’t make good decisions sometimes. Be it age or my nature, these are the (fickle) life problems I have to deal with.
Back to the Visa experience.
As I stood in that line of twenty one young people I (amidst the stress and phone calls and puffing) felt far from young myself.
I felt pangs of jealousy that they were just at the start of their adventure story, their lives. I almost wanted to be back in their shoes (fourteen years ago); never having been to America, thinking about the friends I would make, the travelling alone , the greyhound bus and all of the fun I had before me.
My heart was sad that I now have grey hairs popping up out of my pony tail and deep frown lines on my forehead.
My biggest accomplishment today wasn’t how well my lippy was constructed (I hadn’t even washed my face) but rather that I got the lads out of the door each with their shoes on the right feet, actually the second born didn’t even have this, and a lunchbox that had actual lunch in it and not empty tupperware.
Without getting into the deep and meaningful and god awful depression of my pondering whether I used my teenage years and twenties to the best of my ability, I think it’s fair to say I got a wake up call.
A friend passed away recently and ever since this happened I find my thirst for life and the need to enjoy every part of my business and family life is crucial.
So today, whether you are young (I secretly hate you) or old, with years ahead of you or behind you, may you/we enjoy the moment, embrace the everyday and forgive ourselves for the scattiness and forgetfulness.